Love lost, could it be found again?

Today was the beginning of something I never thought would happen.  The man that I was so in love with so long ago has re-entered my life.  It feels like some romantic comedy happening to me.  I wanted to marry him at 21 years, but he was scared.  He ended up with someone else and I too with another.  It's been over 20 something years since I last spoke to him or saw him and tonight I heard his familiar voice.  He sounded like the same guy I once knew.  He was funny like I remember him.  I haven't laughed like this in such a long time and he is the reason.  He is divorced now and so am I.  We were both victims of a cheating heart and now we are in each others lives again.  He wants to see me.  I'm so nervous.  He said it took him a few days to get the nerve to call me.  It all started when I ran into his step sister while I was on my jog and we talked for a good long while.  We talked about how we were doing, but then the big topic came up.  How was her step brother doing.  Once she told me he was single I couldn't think straight.  The man I once loved with all my heart, whom I have never forgotten, was once again available.  I asked her to please tell him I said hello.  From what he told me tonight, she couldn't wait to tell him that same night.  So now the question is, could it be possible for us to rekindle that love we once had for each other and could it be as strong as it was then?  We shall see.......

Is there a God?  Christians believe there is.  Atheist do not. I was raised a catholic and I prayed to God my whole life. I didn't know any other way to be.  Now an adult, able to choose for myself, I read about all the different ideas of where we came from and if there is a God,  and I simply become uneasy about it all.  I guess no one really knows for sure, but I can say from just experience, I still believe in a higher power.  Some say aliens are who put us here.  If that is so, where did the Aliens come from?  So many how's and why's. I guess it helps some people to have something to believe in.  If you believe in nothing, then maybe you are nothing.  So if your nothing why are you here? Why are we here? Where do we go when we leave earth?  Faith is sometimes all a person has left in their life and it can be the strongest promise a person can have. The fear of God is in so many of us, why is it considered a fear?  I know when I pray, I do get emotional inside and I feel better after I thank God for everything I have.  I'm not rich, I'm not poor, I wish I had more, like most of us do, but knowing I'm healthy and alive makes me grateful. I have to say that I'm not apposed to all ideas, but I still pray to God every night before I close my eyes.

Gotta Love Matthew!  I can't wait to see his movie Magic Mike

FLING

We hide in our cave to hide away from those around us who must never see us together.   They must never see how splendid you make me feel.  They must never see it in my eyes or sense it when I’m near you.  How I envy those people who are able to go out and show the world the gem they have within their grasp.  Though small as it is, to me it is like holding a rare emerald.  

The cave, a place I think of as like the emerald city where I can escape for a short time with you.  I can pretend you are mine and no one else’s.  I can pretend that there, we are impassioned with one another.  It’s a place where our brain is not altered by others negative thoughts, it’s where our hearts beat for each others love, and where we have the courage to see where this may lead us.   Though I do know, it is all in my mind only.  I gather that you may not feel the same way, and that your view of us is merely an attraction that is for the time being, a frolic, which by far has been fantastic. 

I guess I just wish I knew how “this” will end, and I refer to it as “this” because, in reality, I have no idea what “this” is between us.   So I will call “this” just a fling.

Why is it that you won't love me?

Oh sure you love me when we are alone 
Out in the world we are off limits
I want so much to tell the world that we belong together
I want so much for you to see what I see
It's been almost two years that we have begun
and who knows when or if we will end
For now I hold on to the time we share
in hopes that one day the world will see us together
the way it is meant to be
You loving me like I love you

I am thinking of getting a tattoo, but I'm not sure if I should.  I'm 45 and I want to camouflage a large mole I have on my back near my shoulder.  I love the look of certain tats and I don't want it to look like I'm trying to come across younger then I am.  I also am a big chicken so I don't want to go to big.  I've seen older women with tats and some look sexy and some look trashy. I guess it's how you present yourself and also how you dress. I dress to impress at times for men when I go out, but I am also very down to earth and conservative, at work especially.  Because I work for a HS I want to be professional but I am able to get away with showing the tattoo.  My son wants me to go with him and get one together.  He is 18.  It would be fun to do, but will I end up regretting it later? I guess as long as I can cover it when need to be, it will be fun to show off for the right crowd.  I am single and I think it would be a fun topic for conversation when meeting people (men). Now if I decide to do this, my next issue will be what to get.  Flowers are cool, I love hearts, I love tigers, and there is so much I could do with it.  Well if and when I do it, that will be the next picture I will post.  2012 is my year for changes.  We will see! Picture is what they will have to work around so what could I choose to camouflage that mole? 

Happy New Year to all.

  I plan to start this year off with more positive thoughts.  Exercise is at the top of my list to be done more frequently.  A new place to live is what I am looking for to make a big change.  I love my new job and I love my new car.  I am still in love with the same man who makes my heart sink when he contacts me, but he is still only my part time lover.  I haven't figured that one out yet. My mom is doing well and my kids are still the most important reasons I am here. I want happiness and I am going to have it!  I am on my way there!