Love lost, could it be found again?

Today was the beginning of something I never thought would happen.  The man that I was so in love with so long ago has re-entered my life.  It feels like some romantic comedy happening to me.  I wanted to marry him at 21 years, but he was scared.  He ended up with someone else and I too with another.  It's been over 20 something years since I last spoke to him or saw him and tonight I heard his familiar voice.  He sounded like the same guy I once knew.  He was funny like I remember him.  I haven't laughed like this in such a long time and he is the reason.  He is divorced now and so am I.  We were both victims of a cheating heart and now we are in each others lives again.  He wants to see me.  I'm so nervous.  He said it took him a few days to get the nerve to call me.  It all started when I ran into his step sister while I was on my jog and we talked for a good long while.  We talked about how we were doing, but then the big topic came up.  How was her step brother doing.  Once she told me he was single I couldn't think straight.  The man I once loved with all my heart, whom I have never forgotten, was once again available.  I asked her to please tell him I said hello.  From what he told me tonight, she couldn't wait to tell him that same night.  So now the question is, could it be possible for us to rekindle that love we once had for each other and could it be as strong as it was then?  We shall see.......

Is there a God?  Christians believe there is.  Atheist do not. I was raised a catholic and I prayed to God my whole life. I didn't know any other way to be.  Now an adult, able to choose for myself, I read about all the different ideas of where we came from and if there is a God,  and I simply become uneasy about it all.  I guess no one really knows for sure, but I can say from just experience, I still believe in a higher power.  Some say aliens are who put us here.  If that is so, where did the Aliens come from?  So many how's and why's. I guess it helps some people to have something to believe in.  If you believe in nothing, then maybe you are nothing.  So if your nothing why are you here? Why are we here? Where do we go when we leave earth?  Faith is sometimes all a person has left in their life and it can be the strongest promise a person can have. The fear of God is in so many of us, why is it considered a fear?  I know when I pray, I do get emotional inside and I feel better after I thank God for everything I have.  I'm not rich, I'm not poor, I wish I had more, like most of us do, but knowing I'm healthy and alive makes me grateful. I have to say that I'm not apposed to all ideas, but I still pray to God every night before I close my eyes.

Gotta Love Matthew!  I can't wait to see his movie Magic Mike

FLING

We hide in our cave to hide away from those around us who must never see us together.   They must never see how splendid you make me feel.  They must never see it in my eyes or sense it when I’m near you.  How I envy those people who are able to go out and show the world the gem they have within their grasp.  Though small as it is, to me it is like holding a rare emerald.  

The cave, a place I think of as like the emerald city where I can escape for a short time with you.  I can pretend you are mine and no one else’s.  I can pretend that there, we are impassioned with one another.  It’s a place where our brain is not altered by others negative thoughts, it’s where our hearts beat for each others love, and where we have the courage to see where this may lead us.   Though I do know, it is all in my mind only.  I gather that you may not feel the same way, and that your view of us is merely an attraction that is for the time being, a frolic, which by far has been fantastic. 

I guess I just wish I knew how “this” will end, and I refer to it as “this” because, in reality, I have no idea what “this” is between us.   So I will call “this” just a fling.

Why is it that you won't love me?

Oh sure you love me when we are alone 
Out in the world we are off limits
I want so much to tell the world that we belong together
I want so much for you to see what I see
It's been almost two years that we have begun
and who knows when or if we will end
For now I hold on to the time we share
in hopes that one day the world will see us together
the way it is meant to be
You loving me like I love you

I am thinking of getting a tattoo, but I'm not sure if I should.  I'm 45 and I want to camouflage a large mole I have on my back near my shoulder.  I love the look of certain tats and I don't want it to look like I'm trying to come across younger then I am.  I also am a big chicken so I don't want to go to big.  I've seen older women with tats and some look sexy and some look trashy. I guess it's how you present yourself and also how you dress. I dress to impress at times for men when I go out, but I am also very down to earth and conservative, at work especially.  Because I work for a HS I want to be professional but I am able to get away with showing the tattoo.  My son wants me to go with him and get one together.  He is 18.  It would be fun to do, but will I end up regretting it later? I guess as long as I can cover it when need to be, it will be fun to show off for the right crowd.  I am single and I think it would be a fun topic for conversation when meeting people (men). Now if I decide to do this, my next issue will be what to get.  Flowers are cool, I love hearts, I love tigers, and there is so much I could do with it.  Well if and when I do it, that will be the next picture I will post.  2012 is my year for changes.  We will see! Picture is what they will have to work around so what could I choose to camouflage that mole? 

Happy New Year to all.

  I plan to start this year off with more positive thoughts.  Exercise is at the top of my list to be done more frequently.  A new place to live is what I am looking for to make a big change.  I love my new job and I love my new car.  I am still in love with the same man who makes my heart sink when he contacts me, but he is still only my part time lover.  I haven't figured that one out yet. My mom is doing well and my kids are still the most important reasons I am here. I want happiness and I am going to have it!  I am on my way there! 

My mothers birth flower-sweet pea

Mom I don't know why this is happening to you.  I see you lying in the hospital bed and there is nothing I can do to bring you back.  I feel helpless.  I wish you would have stayed on your medicine.  Maybe you would still be here, mind and body.  Without your mind, I don't see see you in that body.  Please come out!  Don't leave us yet.  There is still so much for you to see and your family misses you.  I miss you. I don't know how I will cope if you leave this world.  I'm sad. I'm sorry that I haven't been the best daughter.  I guess we all become selfish until something like this happens.  Then we are sorry.  Please stay so I can make it up to you.
I love you Mom

Blog of Author Karen Salmansohn | notsalmon

Blog of Author Karen Salmansohn | notsalmon

I read a tweet that Natalie Wood's drowning case is going to be reopened. Wow!  After all these years?  I'm curious because I am a big fan of Natalie.  See the following link.

www.theage.com.au/entertainment/sheriff-reopens-investigation-into-natalie-wood-drowning-20111118-1nmfi.html

Sexiest Man Alive......I agree that he is a good choice for this year. What I would do for one day with him.....hmmmmm :)
www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20544431,00.html

YouTube Challenge - I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy

The Boring Wine guy has a special offer!

What you do for your kids!

Well I have added another hat to wear in my life, and it is a soccer coach hat. My daughter loves to play soccer and she is very good at it. When I signed her up this year I of course said I would volunteer to help out in any way. My thoughts were more along the line of a team mom or assistant with snacks and emails and such, but our team was in need of a coach this year. No one would step up to volunteer and so the league saw that I said I would help in any way so they asked me to coach. At first I thought,"NO WAY!" I never played soccer, I was a softball player. I never coached before either so how could I be a coach. My daughter begged me to do it and with that look on her face, I could not say no, so here I am now with 4 wins and 2 losses under out belts, and we are having so much fun. I love it! I did not know how gratifying this would be for me. I have a great group of girls and I got very lucky that they all have some pretty good skills. I did so much research before we started so that I would be prepared to teach them the fundamentals. Since we started in September, my girls have improved so much. My smallest player was so intimidated when we started and now she is one of the toughest players I have. I feel energized every time I go out there with them and it helps me feel younger. That's a good thing. My daughter is so happy when we are out there and the smile on her face makes me feel like I'm doing something good for her. Being her coach has made me realize what we do for our children helps to make them become good people as they grow. I 'm loving this hat that I chose to add to my life! Life is good!

Stressful Life Events ...great insight !!!

Stressful Life Events ...great insight !!!

Another tattooed hunk that I just had to post-BeefCake!

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Branden Sipes - Searching (Original)

I came across this song by accident. I like it so much I thought I would share it.

A year ago today

You asked me to come over a year ago today
I can still remember the flutter in my stomach that would not go away
I watched your lips as you talked about your life
The smooth, full shape that kept my eyes completely hypnotized
I felt so relaxed with you
You made me feel wanted and needed too
The excitement I felt inside
I could not hide
What came next, to my surprise
A night of pure enjoyment
right before my eyes
Now a year later, we still play now and then
My heart now has grown fond of you
More so then I thought it would do
If only you knew what I go through
When ever I see you
Heart still flutters
My lips want to feel yours pressed against mine
The excitement never ends
And still, after one whole year

I Have hope that one day

You will ask me to come over and stay...forever

Death at a young age

Today I read on Face Book that an old school mate passed away in her sleep. She was 43 and had a son and daughter. I was not close to her, but I do remember her being a very sweet person. I can only imagine what her family must be enduring. It can happen at any given time to any of us, but it is just so sad when it happens to someone you know. Memories are what is now left of her life with us and hopefully she is in a place now where she can watch over her family and friends.
Brenda,
If you can read this, you were loved here on earth by so many people and you will be missed greatly.
Birth is a beginning
and death a destination
And life is a journey:
Your journey was cut short, but along that journey you were loved a great deal from all the proof on your face book. RIP

I had to do it and I feel awful and relieved

Well the end of my 2 month relationship has happened. I broke it off today with my old high school friend. It was very hard to do as he is a nice person, I just did not see a future with him. We were not compatible. I love sports, he doesn't. I love dancing, he doesn't. I am a people person, he is not. I felt that he had a possessive nature and that was a red flag. I don't know how he is feeling. I did it as nicely as I could. How do you really break up nicely? I was honest and I hope he will one day be able to be a friend to me. I know, no one wants to hear that after a break up. I truly think that this is for the best for both of us. Lately I have been on the other end of the break up process. I have not been in this position in such a very long time. I am glad I was reacquainted with him, but I am sad that it did not work out. I was really hoping for love to find me, but once again love is still searching for me. Where is he? I wish I knew. As for this relationship, I can only wish him well and keep hoping for that one relationship I am waiting for.